Help Readers Get Through Your Proposal: Part Three
By Dan Safford

Have you ever noticed that when we write, our writing seems more stilted and formal than when we talk? Look at the following example:

Jorgenson is committed to provide a high level of service to the Agency commensurate with its wants and needs and desired level of risk. Enclosed is our proposal that demonstrates the extent to which we will apply this philosophy to meet or exceed the Agency’s documented requirements.

Take a quick look around your office; does anyone there talk like this? Do you know anyone who talks like this? Now ask yourself what you think when you encounter writing like this yourself. Most people find this highly formal style of writing very tedious to read. Or put another way—it’s boring! And the last thing you want to do is bore your readers. Remember that they don’t want to be reading this stack of proposals to begin with; don’t make it any more unpleasant than it is.

Use a “conversational” style. You want a receptive reader; a stiff, formal style makes readers tense. Writing in a relaxed, less formal style will put your readers at ease.

Use familiar language, small words instead of large words. Avoid passive voice. Write in short sentences.

Try to write more like you talk. This doesn’t mean you should drop your “g’s” (Don’t write, “The solution we’re offerin’ is based on sound engineerin’ principles.”) But it won’t hurt to use contractions—“we’ll” instead of “we will.” And you can even start some of your sentences with “and.” Don’t use slang, but you can use a more “colloquial” style. Note the first sentence in the third paragraph of the revised excerpt below.

Some people will balk at violating the “rules” of technical/ business writing. You can’t violate the rules of grammar and usage; but you can go outside the lines of what is accepted as “traditional” style. Remember, the point here is to make it as easy as possible for the reader to get through your proposal and get your essential message, not to conform to an artificial sense of appropriateness.

Using a conversational style may seem awkward at first. Start slowly, try some things out. Talk to your clients before you write the proposal to find out the kind of style they like; some people prefer the formal approach. And query your clients in proposal debriefings to learn how they liked it.